I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
