So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
