he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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