I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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