Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
