I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
