i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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