I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
