Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
