Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
