Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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