I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
