You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
