i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
