i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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