You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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