I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
