I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
