Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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