You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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