There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
