I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
