when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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