Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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