The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He passed out mid-signature
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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