I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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