girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
