3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
