People in love make me want to vomit
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
