We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
