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woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
