I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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