i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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