I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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