Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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