I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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