i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
