ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
