the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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