we have pet lesbian snakes
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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