in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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