***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
