I will die if light touches me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
