I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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