im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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