you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
