I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This baby is an asshole
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
