Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
