my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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