Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
