i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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