I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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