I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
