I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
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Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You ruined the universe
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