this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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