hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
