yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
