the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
