I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
