i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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