So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
did i just pee glitter
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
