I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
