Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
