so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
