Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
