I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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