so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
