Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
