She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
