i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
