Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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