so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
