I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
