We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
