Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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