Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Come see our sink grown plant.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
