hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you had me at cake vodka
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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