There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
