He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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